Laughter best meds?

[Firefly]

*snort!* 

[Paul C]

Just got this from my niece. I am told that it's genuine!

Naming children in South Africa after cellphone services
Were any kids named "cyberspace" or "TCP/IP" or "Compuserve"?
Would you name your child Nokia?
Ever since mobile phone services were introduced in KwaZulu-Natal some parents have named their children after some of the terms used by mobile services providers.
According to Home Affairs statistics some of the children born from 1993 when mobile services were introduced in the province (and the rest of SA) have the following names:
1. Network Madondo
2. Subscriber Zulu
3. Nokia Khumalo
4. Siemens Mdlalose
5. Motorola Buthelezi
6. Dial Magubane
7. Vodacom Mkhize
8. Call Later Ndlovu
9. Voicemail Ngobese
10 Simcard Makhathini
11 Scratchcard Mlaba
12 Talktime Luthuli
13 Send Ndebele
14 Paging Nyawose
15 Cellphone Mpungose
16 Message Gumede
17 SMS Mabaso
18 Phonebook Dlamini
19 Ringtone Khoza
20 MTN Shezi
21 Prepaid Zwane
22 Pay as you go Mfeka
23 Please Call Me Cetshwayo
24 Contract Mabaso
25 Charger Ngobese
26 Hands Free Tshabalala
27 Unavailable Masondo
28 Switchoff Mabuza
29 Sim-Rejected Hlongwane
30 Airtime Zwelithini
31 Internet Mthethwa
32 Server Mkhize
Obviously you can read this as a measure of the social or psychological importance of cellphones, though I think there's also a tradition in southern Africa of adopting words from other languages into names.
 

[Gevriesde Raap]

An OLD Saffa joke.

Jan & Marie have been married for 30 years. They decided to go for a second honemoon to the same hotel they went to 30 years ago.

After making love the whole night through (the way old people do), they have a sexy breakfast, in the nude, just like 30 years ago.

Marie: "Jan, vanmore kry ek dieselfde warm gevoel in my bors net soos dertig jaar terug!"

Jan: "Ja ou vrou, want jou praam hang in die pap!"

[Greyghost]

Sign in an  INDIANA store  front window



'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA, NANCY PELOSI, HARRY REID, AND ALL THE ELITES OF CONGRESS, THE MASS MEDIA, AND HOLLYWOOD , THAN WITH ONE CONSERVATIVE AMERICAN!'


    This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Whiting, Indiana .
     You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.


However, we are a society which holds freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.

                                                                  And after all, it is just a sign.

You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.

                                                                       Answer:


"Owen's Funeral Home"                "Owen's Funeral Home"                      "Owen's Funeral Home"                  "Owen's Funeral Home"               "Owen's Funeral Home"                 "Owen's Funeral Home"               "Owen's Funeral Home"                "Owen's Funeral Home"                      "Owen's Funeral Home"                  "Owen's Funeral Home"               "Owen's Funeral Home"                 "Owen's Funeral Home"

                                                                               You gotta love it!

                                                                          God Bless America !
 
 

[Ex-Dutchman]

Cherokee People

A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."

One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"

"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language."

[Hurricane]

The Emergency

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend.

“I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?”

“Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact,
there are three doctors there already!”

You are not a doctor by any chance, ED?

[Ex-Dutchman]

The Garden Dance

A wealthy woman is giving a garden party with several well-to-do guests attending.

During the festivities, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. As a guest watched…. one gardener was busy weeding when the other suddenly leaped high into the air, spun about, and gracefully swirled.

Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, “That man is such a talented dancer, I’d pay him $500 to dance at my next party!”

When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, “Hey Louie! Do you think for $500 you could step on that rake again?’

[Sanchez]

Not a single word of abuse!

Fishing for attention now ?

[Ex-Dutchman]

The Emergency

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend.

“I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?”

“Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact,
there are three doctors there already!”

[Hurricane]

Not a single word of abuse!

...you horrible, nasty, ugly loony leftie libbie, you!

Sorry,  forgot!

[Carl]

Hehehe. HAHAHA! Good one (old of te not), Carl. 

Not a single word of abuse!

[Hurricane]

An old one:

.....

 "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped  me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd  be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would  personally greet me.  Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

 "Oh, really!  What'd he say?"

He said:  "Who f*cked up your hair?"

Hehehe. HAHAHA! Good one (old of te not), Carl. 

[Carl]

An old one:

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.
So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing
and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

 
 A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to  Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:  " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there?  It's crowded and dirty.  You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

 
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

 
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline.  Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.  So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

 
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome ’s Tiber River  called Teste."

 
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

 
 "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

 "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.   Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

 A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

 
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.   And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologised and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

 
 "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

 "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped  me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd  be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would  personally greet me.  Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

 "Oh, really!  What'd he say?"

He said:  "Who f*cked up your hair?"

 

[Sanchez]

A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin and asked; 'How did the human race start?'

 Sarah Palin answered, "God made Adam and Eve. They had children, and so was all mankind made."

 Two days later the girl wrote to Michelle Obama And asked the same question.

 Michelle Obama answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

 The confused girl went to her father and said, "Dad, how is it possible that Sarah Palin told me,"The human race was created by God," and Michelle Obama said,"They were evolved from monkeys?"

 Her father answered, "Well, Honey, it is very simple, Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors, and Michelle Obama told you about hers."

[Ex-Dutchman]

I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel
(son of Evil Knievel) Event at the Ford Center
next weekend in Beaumont, Texas, if anybody
wants them.

He's going to try to jump 1,000 0bama
supporters with a bulldozer.

Should be a good time by all.

Let me know.